Worth of life

I often think about the satisfaction of the soul of human being such as the deepest sorrow and the highest pleasure.
The deepest sorrow comes true when I feel like I\\\'m not needed from anybody.
My soul can feel the highest pleasure when I try everything of my effort to make somebody happy.
Therefore, I should live for somebody else or something else, instead of myself.
This has been my rule of life since my vision of life and death had been born in this world.
I hear the most of the people don\\\'t have a deep thought of life and death. That\\\'s because they don\\\'t like to think about death. Death is the most terrible event in the end of life for such kind of people.
Death is the other side of life. It means you will never be able to understand the life without understanding the death.
While I am sickness, I feel like worth of my life became so cheap and light. But it is not true. I was too selfish to understand the real worth of my life before my sickness. I should have understood it in my earlier days.
The most terrible thing in this sickness is the fact that people suicide easily when they get this sickness.
I had not been able to see the light of sunrise for a long time. I still doubt whether I am seeing the light now or not.
There is no accurate criterion to compare the condition of my soul. It is helpless. My thought repeats many, many times, the same location. I can never get out of that circle.
It is perfectly stronger than my intention.
I can tell you the sad thing; Even I can not understand such kind of despair when my condition is good. How can I hope the healthy people to understand this sickness?